I Think I Gave Birth to Foreign Diplomats.

It's true.

Our life seems to be one big negotiation. 

The past few weeks as most American families were enjoying their summer weekends cutting the grass, going to the beach, family cook outs, swimming in pools, ect. we were heavily involved in something similar to NATO peace negotiations. 

They have forced my hand to resort to bribes and empty threats.

Everything from mealtime menus, clothing, movie viewing, which color plate gets used and by whom, seating placement (including but not limited to) in the vehicles and the  kitchen table, who's turn it is to get the mail, who's turn it is to turn off the shower...

and the list goes on and on.

These situations may seem mundane to the casual observer, but a wrong decision at any of these events and the fragile equilibrium between sanity and chaos can erupt ruthlessly.

I know.... I've seen it. I've lived it.

It is complex at times with Beth's command on Asian culture,

and Sam's knowledge and displays of brute force and guerilla warfare.

I do give them a slight learning curve.

Being that they are foreign diplomats, English is not their first language.

So that being said I have accepted the fact that I typically have to repeat certain phrases multiple times. 

Things like,

"Sam, get your hands off your sister."

"Beth, communicate in a different way, I don't understand the language of Whine & Scream."

Night times are especially critical. 

Anyone who knows our family struggles with sleep, know what I am talking about. 

I am very much to blame.... I admit it.

Since Sam was born I was so in love with him that I never wanted to let him go. 

Because of this, he fell asleep next to me for the next 4 to 5 years. 

Beth.... well Beth had her own problems but that's an entirely different story.

Long story short, we have a delicate balance to find every evening.

Phase 1- It starts by the proclamations of not being the slightest bit tired.

In fact they seem convinced that they can pull an all-nighter.

After much debate they finally agree go upstairs and begin their nightly rituals.

Phase 2- Lighting.

Yes, the lighting is as critical as West Bank negotiations between Israel and Palestine. 

Sam wants the hallway light on.... Beth doesn't because it's too bright.

Beth wants the bathroom light on.... the light doesn't travel far enough down the hallway for Sam's liking.

They both have night lights too.

But here's the kicker...

Beth faithfully sleeps with a sleep mask.

Regardless of the lighting situation she can't see it anyways.

So our mediation into the situation led us to remove the light bulbs from one of the hallway lights (for Sam) and the bathroom light goes on for Beth.

Both have their night lights on.

And then when everyone is satisfied, Beth slips her sleep mask over her eyes and falls fast asleep.

If Brian is the President and Treasure in the family than I must be the Secretary of State and Vice-President.

Maybe I need to give Hillary a call and get some advice.