I'll Be Home For Christmas by Michael Buble

The holidays are always a little bittersweet for those who have lost a loved one.

Brian's grandfather, Joe, was a very important person in his life. A few years ago, he lost a relatively quick battle with cancer just a few months after his wife past away. Grandpa Joe was as stubborn and ornery as they come but ALWAYS showed his love towards Brian... and I.

We have many reminders of him through out our home, including this photo that hangs all year. It was taken December 7, 1937 in Vermont. Grandpa is the one getting a snowball smashed in his face! We were told by his sister Ann, that this photo was actually taken by a photographer for the local newspaper.

It is truly one of my favorite photos that we own. 

It's hard to imagine that only 5 short years later, with his mother's signature, he joined the Navy at 17 years old and began his tours through the South Pacific.

A carefree innocence gone.

The photo of him as a smiling kid is a real gift.

Mary and Steve Wedding Day 1939

Always in the back of my mind the holiday season is clouded a bit. My grandmother, Mary, past away New Years Eve 2001. My grandfather, Steve, died the day after Christmas 2006. Their passings were quite significant to us because it also meant the end of an era, so to speak. My grandfather was the last to go from that generational group. With the sale of their house it was a goodbye to the 30+  years of memories for me and literally a lifetime of memories for my father. Christmas was always a special time with them driving up to my dad's house and spending Christmas morning with them. I thankfully have the last few with them recorded on video to look back at someday. I try not to drive myself crazy thinking of how much my grandmother would have ADORED being with her great grandchildren.

Ok- so now you can guess I am in a sentimental mood today. It was probably all the talking about Christmas cookies from yesterday. It may be because my father's birthday was yesterday too and I wonder how that must feel not to receive a birthday call or card from either parent anymore. Or maybe it's because every time I pick up my camera I think of them. It was upon my grandfather's death that I was gifted a small fund to do whatever I wanted with it. 

I bought my camera.

My last lengthy visit with him  was at my house accompanied with hundreds of old family photos. We spent the entire day writing on the backs of as many as we could.  At the end of the day he asked me if I would hold on to them for "a little while."Although his death was relatively unexpected to us, I believe that he knew that the inevitable change was nearer to him.  I didn't realize at the time that he had been giving them to me. He was entrusting them to me.

What. A. Gift.

 

Last but not least.... Nick.

Sam insisted that we put up Nick's stocking this year. So there it hangs.

I have not read 'Marley and Me' yet. Truthfully, I'm scared to.

Nick took a back seat to the kids once they were born. I have many regrets to the way I treated him his last few years. There so many times I wanted to kill him.... muddy paw prints all over a clean floor, the hundreds of socks I would find vomited up on the rug (nearly every morning), the never ending barking, and dog hair on EVERYTHING! He had been demoted, big time, by me.  The kids on the other hand adored him. 

He was their big brother. 

When he left us this past May is when I fully understood what his role and position had been with in this family. Time has definitely been healing but it is an emptiness that we all still feel to this day. Someday we'll welcome a new dog to love and make memories with... but it will not diminish Nick's gift of 11 years of crazy memories from our cocoa bean.